Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
