just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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