You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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