Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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