I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My bed smells like the plague
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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