I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
