apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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