We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
