The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
