We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize