The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
