if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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