I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
