I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
