I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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