dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My vagina just recognized that song.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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