Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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