she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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