The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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