i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
