That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize