i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
