Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
