What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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