eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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