you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
