My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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