Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
