I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
