Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
