Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No I am not eating basil off your cock
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
