worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
