So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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