how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize