in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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