this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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