i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
