I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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