yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
