we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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