So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
