It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
