The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
