I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
