i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize