if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
