I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
