Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize