He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize