so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't put those talents on a resume
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
