Is it normal to miss your booty call?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
