i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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