it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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