When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
