Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
