tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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