the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
