I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
