I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
