Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize