I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
