You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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