even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize