I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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