Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
