Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
