I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize