she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
