we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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