Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
