My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
