Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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