I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize