ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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