Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
