Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
