So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
