Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it hurts more in the daytime
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
