If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
