Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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