We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
