I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I see more hoeing in ur future
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