Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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