I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
wow bdsm is so cute
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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