Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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