ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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